YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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