And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
