I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
