i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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