I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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