I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
