don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish i was in the wii world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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