i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
