I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
is that a dick in a sweater?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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