Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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