I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
COCAINE IS GR8
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
