so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
