i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
