I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
