Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
