I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
