well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
