my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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