That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
