My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
