I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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