so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
