Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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