so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just invented taco cereal.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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