I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
