new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
