You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
