I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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