actually, I'm a sock model
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
