Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were trust falling into bushes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
