i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
