No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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