Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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