I bet he comes in French.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
