I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
