I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got inside last night via doggy door
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
