I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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