Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
