Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
