and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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