Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
