woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
