our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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