Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
