My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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