Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You left your phone here
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