So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
