In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
