I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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