youre lurking in front of me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
