Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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