My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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