I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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