There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize