Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
