she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is Oprah even human
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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