if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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