I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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