just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
