Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
