I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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