It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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