I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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