My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize