the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't deserve a penis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
